Recovery
by coffeeandhope
Summary: Resurrection, Reckoning, Recovery. 7x15 AU.
1. Chapter 1

There was blood everywhere. And as glad as Castle was that the body on the floor wasn't Kate's, the blood-soaked figure in front of him did little to comfort his racing thoughts. There was blood… everywhere. He couldn't stop staring at the stain between his wife's legs as he walked towards her, thinking about the life that she'd just told him about that morning. And then she looked up at him, and everything crumbled. "Oh, Kate."

Kate's forehead hit his collarbone just in time for him to catch her, and then her body was shaking. "Castle," she moaned as he scooped her up, one arm under her knees and the other cradling her to his chest. "The baby…"

He looked up to see that most of the other cops had already spread throughout the room, securing the area and checking on the most certainly dead Dr. Neiman, but Ryan and Esposito simply stood by. And by the matching look of horror on their faces, they overheard Kate's cries.

"Shh… It's okay." He looked towards the two detectives again. "Can you guys call a bus? She needs to see a doctor!"

"Already on it, bro." Esposito motioned towards the paramedics as they entered the room, stretcher in tow.

Castle quickly deposited Beckett onto the stretcher, making sure to never break contact. She was still shaking, but as the paramedics began to wheel her out, Castle noted that sobs weren't what was wracking Beckett's body. She was shaking with a blank expression on her face. "Kate, honey? Can you… can you look at me?"

It took her a second, but soon enough she rolled her head towards him and offered a quick squeeze of the hand. "Good, good. We're going to get you to the hospital, and it'll be okay." And as he looked down into her vacant eyes, Castle hoped to god that he was right.

* * *

She passed out in the ambulance, every so often waking up terrified, and trying to rip off the oxygen mask, before slipping back out of consciousness at the comforting sight of Castle.

It wasn't until they had safely arrived at the hospital and escorted Kate into a private room, that Castle took his first breath. He watched her, taking solace in the brief time that they had before a doctor came in, aware that she would wake up into a nightmare soon enough. Asleep, he could pretend for a few seconds that they weren't about to go through one of the worst moments of their life together. Asleep, the horror was on pause.

But his thoughts of sleep were quickly pushed aside as Kate's eyes fluttered open, searching his face as she took in her surroundings. "Hospital?" Her throat was scratchy, but question clear.

"Yeah," Castle whispered as he pulled his chair closer to her bedside.

"Neiman?"

Castle pushed back the strands of hair that had fallen loose from the quick ponytail he'd twisted his wife's hair into, giving both of them a moment before answering. "Dead. Espo just texted me. You really did a number on her."

Beckett huffed out a noncommittal noise before freezing. "Baby?" Her hands shot to her stomach, not that there had been a bump there to begin with, but she nearly pulled her IV out doing so.

"Kate, I—"

Just then the door swung open and a tall, hardened women walked in. "Mr. and Mrs. Castle… I'm Dr. Taylor." She quickly flipped through Beckett's file once more before leaving it at the end of the bed. She pulled out her stethoscope and motioned for Kate to lean forward, listening to her lungs, her heart, before pulling back. Sympathetic green eyes met blue, and then hazel, before flicking to the floor. "You've had a hellish two days, so I'll keep this short… but almost everything looks okay, so you're free to leave as soon as you feel ready. You need to make sure to get some rest over the next few days, but there shouldn't be any lasting injuries, except for…" The older doctor sighed and flexed her hands before saying, "I'm sorry, but during your kidnapping you had a miscarriage. The fetus was only nine weeks along, so again, there shouldn't be any lasting damage to your uterus, but it appears that the stress of the past few days was too much for your body…"

Kate let out a sob and buried her face in her hands, just as Castle shifted from his chair to the edge of her bed. "Thank you, doctor."

The woman nodded and made to leave, before spinning around. "Mrs. Castle?"

Kate looked up, bloodshot eyes barely making it to the doctor's face. "The past few days would have been too much for _any_ woman's body. This wasn't you. None of this was on _you._ " The doctor left before Beckett could argue or say anything more, leaving the couple alone.

Beckett had shifted her head into Castle's sternum, which soon became damp with tears. He could only hug her tighter, trying to keep all of her pieces together, trying to help in any way that he could.

* * *

She wanted to give her statement that day, while it was all still fresh. Castle had suggested going home first, allowing Kate time to change into something other than NYPD sweats, but she refused and simply pulled the hoodie tighter around her body.

Somehow there were cameras outside of the hospital. Not many, but enough to freak the both of them out. Uniforms were waiting outside, pushing back the press as Castle and Beckett crawled into the back of a squad car, driven by LT.

Castle turned briefly to watch as eager photographers — no, paparazzi — snapped away at the departing Crown Victoria, a new wave of anger rolling over him that he fought to suppress. Beckett needed him to be strong, not lose his cool over such a trivial thing in the face of all that they'd been through.

He turned his attention back his wife, who sat pressed against the window, the cool detective once again, preparing to give her statement as if it were any standard case.

Castle knew better than to question her decisions, and instead sat quietly next to her, dying to touch her, but knowing that she would seek him out when she was ready.

He adopted a similar attitude when they finally returned to the 12th, reaching out when he noticed that his partner had a slight limp, pain evident in the staggered way that she was walking. Her face gave nothing away, though, and she simply stared straight ahead as he walked her to the elevator.

Her brows furrowed together when they came to the homicide floor, looking to him for comfort as the doors opened to worried looks from all members of the team. Castle barely heard the clapping and simply hugged her close to him, occasionally whispering soothing words to her as they made their way to Gates.

While the captain didn't know the specifics of their situation — yet — for Kate had wanted to hold off from telling anyone until she entered her second trimester, the older woman was well aware that something more than the horrific kidnapping had happened.

"Why don't we step into my office, detective, and I'll take your statement." Beckett nodded solemnly and headed into the office, and Castle made to follow, but was stopped by a gentle but firm hand to his chest. "Mr. Castle, why don't you wait out here, so that detectives Ryan and Esposito can explain the terms of the assault charge against you."

"But captain—"

"I'm sure that you'll be pleased once you hear what said terms are." She moved in closer, so that only the two of them could hear her speak. "Detective Beckett is in good hands with me. I just need a statement, nothing more."

Castle nodded his agreement, well aware that Gates spoke the truth, but still wished that he could be in there while his wife recounted the past forty-eight hours. "C'mon, bro. The mayor and chief of police say that you can come back. This will be your 'community service'. Isn't that great?" Esposito asked, struggling to maintain his own focus and look away from the captain's office.

Castle smiled, pleased with the arrangement, but still kept his gaze fixed on the office as Beckett sat across from Gates. The boys looked on too, both surprised but understanding when Gates momentarily dropped her head into her hands, before standing up and hugging her lead detective. "I'm so sorry," Ryan whispered, definitely aware of what had happened to his sister, the pain etched into his face.

Castle sighed. "I know." He refrained from saying anything more and simply watched as Beckett spoke, frozen until she stood.

She made her way through the door that Gates held open, and straight towards the elevator. He followed immediately, watching as the rest of the squad looked on at the beloved detective, everyone wondering just what had happened over the past two days.

Castle didn't say anything until the elevator doors had closed, and only then asked where Beckett wanted to go. "Home, " she mumbled, and released a shuttering breath, before finally crumbling and allowing herself to be pulled into his embrace. "Take me home, Castle."

* * *

 _Let me know what you think about the direction that this is going in. More to come..._


	2. Chapter 2

The loft was empty when they arrived home, not filled with police officers and a panicked Martha and Alexis, but Castle still felt remnants of worry.

Beckett looked around, observing the small signs of disarray. "What happened here?"

Castle sighed and slowly approached the slumped form of his wife. She looked so small all of a sudden, no longer putting up the front of Detective Beckett. "Tyson, he… it's a long story, something that can wait until the morning."

Beckett nodded, but by the glazed over look in her eyes, he doubted that she had heard him. "Your mom and Alexis… they're okay, right?" It must've been the twentieth time she'd asked him that day, but her hazel eyes were still heavy with worry, and he loved her all the more for it.

"Yeah, they're good. If you really want to know what they're up to, we can just check my credit card statements."

She cracked a smile at that, one that didn't quite meet her eyes, but a smile regardless. "That's good," she whispered, about to say more when her lips formed a grimace.

"Sore?" She nodded, lightly applying pressure to her pelvis in a helpless attempt to soothe the dull ache that was slowly consuming her. "It's probably time to take your antibiotics. Dr. Taylor said that you might have some spotting for the next few days, but if it gets heavy we should call her."

"I'm alright, Castle."

"I know." He reached into his coat pocket and dug around until he found the small bag filled with medicine bottles, pills meant to control the bleeding and prevent infection. "Why don't you take these, anyway?"

She complied, much to his relief and stuck out her hand, receiving two small, circular pills, one white and one blue.

Castle cringed when Beckett dry swallowed, something that she'd always been set on doing, and trotted to the kitchen to get her some water.

One his way back to her (she stood in front of the floor length windows, looking out on the darkening city) he also grabbed some Motrin, aware that his wife was in much more pain than she was letting on. "Here, take these." She turned around, eyeing the two additional pills wearily, but once again followed his simple request.

He watched her swallow, grateful that she was there to do such an easy thing, and found himself stumbling to keep up with her when she finally walked to their bedroom.

There was a moment of hesitation — one that they both felt — upon first entering the bedroom. The last time they stood in there together they weren't really standing at all, but rather, making love on the floor, against the wall, nearly on top of the dresser, and finally, in the bed. They'd long ago proved that they could go more than three rounds, but Beckett often joked that they needed to keep up the practice, and Castle was all too happy to comply with the request.

"It smells right in here."

"Hmm?"

Beckett turned towards him, slowly unzipping her sweatshirt and pulling down her sweatpants. "One of the first things that I noticed when we got back to the precinct was the smell. I know it sounds weird, but the smell was right. It smelled like…"

"—Home?" he supplied, to which she nodded. "I get it."

She offered a bittersweet smile as she rid herself of the majority of her clothes, left only in her bra and a pair of mesh underwear supplied by the hospital. "Not the most attractive things you've seen me in, huh?"

Castle huffed out a strained laugh, not even looking at his partner's figure, but rather, her eyes. They were welling up and her bottom lip was just beginning to tremble. "This is what they give mothers after birth."

"Oh." He knew that, remembered Meredith's constant complaining about the scratchy attire, wishing that he and Kate could have such a trivial conversation over the high of a newborn.

"I need to get cleaned off."

"Do you want me to run you a bath?"

She sighed and motioned towards her bottom half. "I don't know if that's the best idea right now."

"Right. Okay, well I can—"

"—Castle, please. It's okay. Call Martha and Alexis. I'm going to take a shower." And just like that — before he could protest, or say anything at all — she disappeared into their bathroom.

He sighed and sat down on their bed, before pulling out his phone and dialing Alexis' number. He needed to hear the voice of his only child.

* * *

While in the shower, Beckett worked to scrub the remaining blood off of her thighs. She was shocked by how much damage could be done at only a little over two months pregnant, both physically and emotionally. She still couldn't comprehend what had really happened, struggling to piece together _how_ it could have happened. They were so happy together and the baby… the baby was just what they needed after the summer from hell that was his disappearance. And now that was gone… Now that was…

"...Kate?" Castle's voice was like a beacon, calling her away from the edge of whatever cliff she was about to dive off of. "I know I'm supposed to give you your space, but you've been in here for a while and…" He trailed off once again upon noticing that she was in a ball on the floor, barely aware of the scalding water pounding at her back. "Oh, Kate." She looked up at him, also realizing for the first time that she was on the floor.

"I'm fine," she murmured, her voice cracking and showing that she was anything but.

Castle stripped off his pants and button-down, wondering when he'd taken off his shoes and coat, before pulling off his socks and boxers, and finally climbing in.

He crouched down so that he was on the same level as his wife — eye to eye, almost — and cupped her cheek with his hand. "I'm so sorry, Kate."

She sniffled but couldn't meet his eyes, something like shame written on her face. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have gone alone that night. I knew what I was carrying, what was at stake, but I still went and put myself in danger, put _the baby_ in danger."

Castle squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry and leaned forward, scooping Beckett into his arms against the protest of his knee. "Not your fault. Never your fault. Tyson and Neiman's fault, but not yours."

She fell into him at that point, once again allowing his sturdy arms to hold her together as sobs wracked her body. "I wanted it to badly, Castle."

"I know, I know. Me too."

"I know we weren't necessarily trying to get pregnant, but we also weren't not trying, and we _had_ been talking about it..."

"It was what we wanted; I know."

"What if I can never carry to term? What if I do and something bad happens to the baby? What if I can never even get pregnant again?"

"Shh," Castle whispered, his own head filling with the terrifying 'what ifs'. "You can't think like that. What if we do get pregnant again? What if we have a healthy herd of little Castle babies?" Beckett huffed against his chest at that, releasing a warm puff of hot air. "What if we continue to be amazing? I'd gamble for a chance at that."

She nodded into his shoulder, scraping her fingernails through the short hairs at his nape, and nodded into his chest. "Yeah, I think I would too."

Castle breathed out a sigh of relief before tightening his grip on her and standing up so that he could shut off the water. Beckett didn't complain, or harp on him for "being a caveman and carrying her everywhere" like she normally would, but instead allowed him to wrap them up in matching towels and crawl under the covers in their bed, keeping her close at all times.

* * *

Foolishly, Castle later realized, he'd thought they'd be okay. And they were for a couple of hours, as Castle shared with Beckett how it nearly killed him to not know where she was for two days, trying to understand how she'd done it for two months. They were talking at least, creating a dialogue between two hurting people, and even managed to fall asleep in each other's arms.

But then she'd woken up screaming, and tumbled off of the bed, scared and heartbroken and clutching at her abdomen.

It didn't take either of them much longer to notice that a substantial amount of blood had pooled on Beckett's side of the bed, the kind of blood that Dr. Taylor had warned them about, spurring Castle into action.

"Kate, honey, we need to go back to the hospital."

"No," she moaned, arm still wrapped around her front.

"Beckett," he said, a bit more sternly. "We need to get you checked out."

"There's nothing left to lose, Castle. I already miscarried the baby."

"Kate, don't say that. Please. Just do this for me."

She sighed and put her face in her hands, before taking in a deep breath and looking up, a stone fortress once again. "Okay."

* * *

It scared Castle how stoic she was being. Dr. Taylor was on call, and took them in immediately, getting Beckett into a gown and on the examination table in a matter of minutes. He was asked to leave the room momentarily before being invited back in, watching as his wife received an ultrasound of her empty womb.

Beckett merely winced as the doctor poked and prodded, her heels in familiar stirrups to help keep her in place. She was emotionless about it, a blank expression on her face when Dr. Taylor leaned back and removed her gloves, having finally stopped the bleeding.

The older woman looked tired, more upset than earlier that day, eyeing both Beckett and Castle as she struggled to find her words. "Mrs. Castle…" Beckett merely shifted her head towards the older woman's voice. "While my previous examination of you showed no signs of an incomplete miscarriage, it appears that there was still some… fetal tissue deep inside of you. Sometimes this can be caused by a poor reaction to medications, which — now that I have your blood work — I can see was the result of the sedative administered to you during the attack." She took off her glasses, polished them on her white hospital coat, before continuing on. "I performed a D&C while Mr. Castle was out of the room, so you should be out of the woods from here, but some other problems have arisen."

Castle sucked in a breath, while Beckett simply blinked.

"This incomplete miscarriage caused damage to your fallopian tubes, which — combined with your age and heart condition — makes viability for future pregnancy nearly impossible."

This time he was the one crouching on the floor, no longer able to control the sobs.

* * *

 _Credit to Rob Bowman's commentary in the Season 7 DVD extra for "Reckoning" about Beckett first recognizing the smell of the precinct._


	3. Chapter 3

_I know that the last chapter was kind of dark, but no worries — the dynamic duo will work through it. I have this story planned out, and I'll always take care of Castle and Beckett._

* * *

They kept Beckett overnight for observation, just to watch the bleeding, and — after some protest from the nurses — allowed Castle to stay and sleep in the visitor's chair.

Despite the fact that she wasn't necessarily speaking, Castle was relieved to find that Beckett hadn't shut him out either.

It wasn't until he was signing her discharge papers that he switched the conversation to a more serious topic, something that he'd been thinking about all night. "I think we should go to the Hamptons."

Beckett looked up at him, wincing as she pulled her pants on. Castle moved forward to help her, but she simply waved him off and moved onto her shirt. "Why?"

Castle sighed, picking up her gown from the floor and folding it out of habit. "I want to get the loft cleaned and buy some new sheets."

"What about work?"

He shrugged. "I was thinking that maybe we could take a few days off."

Beckett cracked a smile. "Your first week back and you're already going on vacation, Castle?" He laughed, reaching out for her when she was finally dressed. She came to him willingly, holding onto his torso with a surprising amount of strength. "I don't know, babe. I think I should really get back to the precinct as soon as I can."

Castle pulled back, but kept his hold on her, not yet willing to break contact. "How about you do this for me then? Maybe I'm not quite ready to let you go just yet."

"You're not letting me go, Castle."

He nodded solemnly, but continued anyway. "I know that, but maybe we can just be with each other for a few more days."

Beckett sighed and chewed on her bottom lip as she appraised him, weary of taking more time off, but wanting to be with him just as the same. "What about Gates? I don't think that she would like it if—"

"—I already talked to her," Castle interjected. He scrunched up his nose, waiting for Beckett to be mad at him, but she simply stroked his cheek.

"And what did she say?"

"She said that it was okay for you to take some time off… for _us_ to take some time off. The department has a sick leave policy, so you can rest even though we're out of vacation days."

"I'm not sick, Castle."

"I know, I know. But maybe we should do this anyway. Maybe it's what we need."

Beckett sighed, too tired to argue with her husband, and aware that he was probably right. "Fine. But just for the weekend."

"Great."

"But I'm fine, Castle. Really."

"I know," he lied.

* * *

The partners arrived in the Hamptons by dinner time, thanks in no small part to a certain red Ferrari.

A couple of the local grocery stores were still open, so they stopped to pick up food for the weekend, before continuing on to their home away from home.

Beckett was quiet as they unloaded the car, only protesting when Castle insisted on carrying everything inside, which was an argument that she quickly lost.

"There's nothing wrong with me, Castle."

He sighed as he unlocked the front door, unceremoniously dropping both their duffle bag and groceries on the wooden floor. "You're still healing."

"But I can—"

"Kate, I'll carry the bags as long as you're still wincing every time you sit up."

She shrugged at that because really, he was right, but she wasn't about to admit it to him.

"I'll put the salmon on?" It was a simple enough question, but he still paused to watch her after she asked. There was a part of him that thought that they shouldn't be able to do that, that things couldn't just go back to normal (at least not yet), but there was also a part of him that was glad that they could do normal, or something close to that. She could still grill salmon and he could still cook stir fry. They could still make dinner, function. They would need to talk more, about her closing off at the hospital, about the future, about what the new obstacle meant… but in that moment, it was under control.

* * *

At some point Coltrane came on over the new speaker system that Castle had installed, neither could quite recall who had brought out the iPod, but it was a pleasant sound to cook to.

It wasn't until they finally sat down to eat and made it through most of their meal that an uneasy feeling settled in Castle's stomach; she couldn't avoid this forever, _they_ couldn't avoid this forever.

"What are we supposed to do?" He was shocked that she was the one to first blurt it out, and — by the way that she was shoving the remaining vegetables around her plate — so was she.

"Life doesn't stop because of this, _we_ don't stop because of this. It's just a hiccup."

"Just a hiccup?" The question had come out harsher than she'd meant it to, but it had a necessary bite.

"We've dealt with worse."

"Have we?" She put her fork down, finally making eye contact with him. "Have we really? Because I feel pretty damn bad, Castle… a bad that I haven't felt in quite a while."

He felt an irritation at the misunderstanding between them bubble up inside. It was the same burning sensation that he got when they were fighting before the proposal, and when she lied to him and he lied back, and when he didn't see her for an entire summer, and when she didn't see him, either.

The difference was that — as she pushed back from the table and walked away — he was aware of the irritation and the lack of communication that it signified. And so he did what he knew best, and followed her upstairs, into the unknown.

* * *

"They were definitely conceived in here."

Castle almost laughed at his wife's words as he approached her from behind, where she stood in their bedroom, looking out at the water. Regardless of all that was going on, she once again spoke exactly what he had been thinking… always so in sync.

"Honeymoon baby?"

"It adds up," she whispered, still not turning to look at him, still not quite ready. "That first night… our wedding night, we went what — five rounds?"

He finally huffed out a laugh, a quick burst of air against Beckett's skin as he gently reached out to hold her hips. "Six."

"That probably did it. I was being sloppy with my birth control anyway, and we've never been a couple to use condoms."

Castle nodded into the juncture between her shoulder and neck before placing a kiss there. It was in no way sensual, just a loving reminder that he was there. "Sloppy with your birth control, as in… you were hoping that this… that," he gulped at his use of past tense, "would happen? A baby?"

She shrugged and finally turned around, as they needed to have the conversation face to face, before pulling him towards the bed, pushing him down, and crawling into his lap. "I don't know. I'm just so comfortable… care free with you. I wasn't trying to be reckless, but when I forgot to take my pill, it was…"

"Okay?" he supplied and she nodded, finally blushing (the first color that he'd seen on her cheeks in days).

"I really wanted it… a baby… him."

"Him?"

She offered a small, sweet smile. "I knew that we'd have a boy… at least the first one. He'd have your blue eyes and maybe my hair."

"And your smile," he added with a grin, allowing himself to indulge in the fantasy. "I always thought we'd have a girl, though… first, if you wanted more than one."

"Oh really?" She smiled again and God — was it infectious.

"Oh yeah; there's no way that we could only have three girls at the loft. Why stop there?" Beckett snorted before burying her face in Castle's shoulder, both remembering the reality of their situation at the same time.

"I really wanted that too, if it means anything."

She sighed, "Everything, Castle. It means everything."

"Maybe, though, we could still have that."

She leaned back at his words, but kept her hands twined with his. "Babe, you heard Dr. Taylor. I'm basically infertile." Her voice cracked on that terrifying word — 'infertile' — the way it once did on the word 'pregnant'.

"I know. But there's always adoption. We could go abroad… Africa, or maybe Asia…"

She sighed at the way his eyes lit up and offered a small smile. "You're thinking on a pretty big scale. And it would be kind of hard."

"I know," he whispered before kissing her once, gently, on the lips. "But sometimes the best things in life are."

* * *

 _Also, I took some liberty with the dates on the baby's conception, but it seemed so Castle and Beckett._


	4. Chapter 4

The couple fell asleep some time after their talk, and remained in bed for the next ten hours, finally catching up on sleep that they both so dearly needed.

Castle was the first to wake and took up one of his favorite pastimes: watching Beckett sleep. In the early days of their relationship she would chastise him for it, but as they entered two, and now three years together, she seemed to mind it less and less. She even indulged in her own observations from time to time when she thought he was asleep.

But as he watched — gazed, really — he couldn't help but let his eyes drift to her abdomen. There were barely any signs there, but he still felt the loss, stroked his hands along the small pooch of her stomach, what could have been, what was.

"Castle, stop thinking so loud," she mumbled as she swatted his hand away, still half-asleep and unaware as to what his thoughts really were.

As usual, he did the complete opposite and wrapped his arms around her abdomen before pulling her closer, all the while peppering her chin with gentle kisses. She giggled, for what felt like the first time in forever, before rolling into him and sucking on his pulse point. "Beckett, stop," he whispered lightly as her hands snaked their way down his pants.

"Mmm, why?" she mumbled, still half asleep.

"Because if you start this, I know we'll have trouble stopping."

"Then let's not stop." Her words came out as a blissful whisper as her hands finally found what they were looking for.

He let out a stuttering breath and gently pulled each hand away by the wrist. "Sweetie, we can't, remember? I'd love to, but you need to finish healing before we do anything again."

His eyes were suddenly met with a watery hazel as she bolted upright, whimpering at the cramps elicited in the sudden movement. She was awake. "Do you not want me anymore, because of this?" She gestured towards her stomach.

Castle couldn't help but gape, the words of his wife — his very beautiful and frustrating and extraordinary wife — catching him off guard. "Of course I still want you."

He pressed his hand to her lower back and once again pulled her against him. "Beckett?" He sighed when she didn't respond, understanding just how hurt she was by the whole situation. "Kate, how could you think that? I always want you. I just want you to be comfortable… and safe."

She scoffed, a cold, hurt noise that had him holding her tighter. "Dr. Taylor said that my hormones could still be out of whack for a while. I just had no idea that I'd turn into a puddle of self doubt." She placed her head into her hands and whispered, "It's not like I can get pregnant again, Castle. There's nothing to worry about."

Castle was aware that Beckett hadn't meant for the words to sting, but he couldn't ignore the sharp pang of grief that he felt. "Kate, please don't say that. I just don't want you to end up hurt again. You just went through a lot. _We_ just went through a lot."

She dropped her head to his bicep before her eyes flashed up at him. "I know. I just need things to be normal, you know?"

"I know. I do too."

She placed a small, unassuming kiss to his shoulder before once again resting her head against the taut muscles of her husband's arm. "How?"

Castle sighed, all too familiar with the question, and struggled on how truthful he should be. But it was Beckett, his wife, Kate, and some of the best parts to of their relationship tended to result from honesty, with themselves, with each other. "I don't really know. We've never been ones for normal, have we?"

Beckett laughed and offered one of her signature eyerolls. "No. But we _did_ wait until after the wedding to get me knocked up, so that's—"

"—Surprising?" Castle offered, receiving a small, sad smile. "Barely." And then she was giggling again, the laughter momentarily spilling over, showing Castle a glimpse of _the_ _okay._

"We were always careful, right?" It took Castle a couple of beats to return to the moment, and when he did, he found a genuinely curious Beckett.

"Yeah. We talked about this last night. It was just us being comfortable with each other and where our relationship is heading."

"What about now?"

Castle's thick, brown eyebrows bunched together in a way that Beckett always found adorable, but she refrained from pointing it out in the moment, as she was getting to something serious. "What do you mean?"

"I guess we can stop using protection… officially."

"If that's what you want. I know it has always helped your cycle, so it makes sense if you want to stay on it, but I don't know how you feel about it right now, if that's a…"

Beckett silenced him with a kiss before dipping her forehead to his. "You're very sweet, but I want to go off of it. My cycles haven't been irregular since a few months after my shooting." She sighed when he squeezed her a bit tighter, every day more aware of what they could have lost, but continued on. "It'll be natural, normal… at least a new kind of normal for us."

"A new kind of normal," he repeated, eyes lighting up. "I like it."

Beckett grinned. "Things can be a newer kind of normal soon, with kids, just not right now. It's too fresh… and with my job, my career, I need to sort some things out."

Castle nodded understandingly. "Well, whatever you, we, sort out… I'll always back your play."

"The same goes for me with you."

Castle gently tugged Beckett on top of him — "better hug access" as he liked to call it — and pressed a few kisses to her hairline, savoring the moment. "And I think a good step towards normal would be getting both of us fed."

As if on cue, Beckett's stomach grumbled, eliciting a bubble of laughter from both partners. "That sounds like a plan."

Castle climbed out of bed — trying to feign offense when Beckett laughed at the popping of his joints — and reached out his hand. "You coming?"

She nodded and pulled on a sweater, before slipping into his side. "Yeah, I am."

* * *

They'd just made it to the foot of the stairs when Castle brought up the offer of a smorelette, only to receive a pinch to his ear by a giggly Kate Beckett. "In your dreams, Mr. Castle… in your dreams."


	5. Chapter 5

"Captain?" Beckett's head snapped up immediately at the sound of her Castle's voice, smiling at the scene before her: her loving husband and the little person he'd brought with him. "Hey, Clara."

"Mama!" the blonde baby exclaimed, chubby arms reaching out for her mother and pushing away from Castle.

"She was all cuddles before this, but now it's like I'm not even here." He did his best to feign hurt, but failed greatly; they were both unable to hide the joy of the past eight months.

"I guess she's just a Mama's girl," Beckett said as she scooped the baby into her arms, peppering her face in kisses and eliciting a fit of giggles.

Beckett ran her free hand through the spikes of their daughter's hair before winking at Castle. "Nice job, daddy."

He shrugged. "I've dealt with brunette and red heads my whole life, so I've been trying some new styles."

"Perks of adoption," she whispered, blowing a raspberry to the baby's cheek.

Castle sighed — a happy, content noise — and pulled two of his three favorite girls into his chest, earning a squeak from Clara at the feeling of being squished between her parents and a grunt from Kate, making Castle pull back.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

Beckett shook her head as a slight blush crept onto her cheeks. "No, my breasts are just kind of tender." She lifted Clara up and pulled a face, ignoring her husband's silent questioning and by walking towards the glass wall of her office. She began whispering nonsense to the girl, pointing towards different officers as they walked through the precinct.

Castle was frozen in place, his mind whirring into action. "Is everything okay?"

She nodded towards her desk, doing her best to play off the situation as if it were nothing. "Can you grab something from the top drawer?"

Castle knew better than to question his wife when she was like this, and did as she asked, trying to ignore the tingling in his "mystery bones."

It felt like their first Valentine's Day together — the anticipation in the drawer — but this time there was no need for metaphorical explanation.

He gasped — yes, gasped — at the sight before him, but was unable to stop looking.

The little white stick with a pink plus sign was blurry in seconds, but Castle didn't bother trying to wipe at his eyes. He simply strode across the room — making it to Beckett in three steps — and pulled his wife and youngest daughter into his arms. "Really?" he asked, voice thick with emotion.

"Yeah."

Castle immediately cupped Beckett's still flat stomach, while simultaneously scooping up Clara and pressing kisses to her tiny feet.

The baby girl giggled, unaware of what was going on, but was happy to join in on her parent's joy regardless.

"How?" Castle asked, not really caring but still curious.

"We've always been an anomaly, babe. Stuff happens when you don't use protection for a couple of years."

Castle grinned a pulled her in for a long, languid kiss. They were only pulled apart by Clara's babbles. "I supposed there has been a rather gratuitous amount of adoption sex going on in our household." Beckett covered Clara's ears and attempted to frown, but failed miserably.

"How far along are you?"

Her smile faltered, only momentarily, but Castle picked up on her unease anyway. "I went to the doctor this morning, just to double-check, and she put me at nine weeks… again."

Castle sucked in a breath as an all too familiar ache settled deep in his chest. "Oh," was all he could muster, before offering his wife a sweet smile. "We're going to be okay, Kate. We're going to be great."

"Yeah?" she asked, gently bouncing Clara as the girl began to fuss.

"Mhmm. Better, even."

Beckett grinned at her husband's words — her silly, wonderful man — and leaned into him, sharing a brief kiss. She usually wasn't one for workplace displays of affection, but this was an exception, and she was, after all, the boss.

He pressed his smile to her forehead, just where her now dark brown hair met soft skin, before whispering, "We beat the odds, Kate."

Beckett huffed out a laugh before heading for the door and exiting her office, baby still at her hip. "That we did, babe."

Ryan and Esposito immediately stood up from their desks, both proud godfathers heading towards Clara, already shoving each other so that they could be the first to hold her.

Esposito reached Beckett first and hoisted up Clara while whispering, "Mi sabrina… que bonita," before handing her off to Ryan.

Beckett felt her heart flutter at the thought that a year from now, both boys would have a little Castle to hold.

Beckett only turned around when she realized that Castle wasn't at her side, but still standing in the doorway of her office, pure joy on his face.

She arched an eyebrow and bit into her bottom lip. "You coming, Castle?"


End file.
